You have tried threatening, manipulating, cajoling, leading by example – and nothing helps…you are simply not getting your needs met in the relationship – whether it’s personal or professional.

What if there is nothing you can do to have them meet your needs…? That gives us a place to start. From then on, it is all about the quality of your communication. Here are examples of what you can say…

¨It’s important that we are partners, and I am really working on asking for what I need. I am working on not being so attached to things I want, because then I’m always ¨being good¨, on my best behavior and not saying what I really think. What can we work out so that we both get what we need as partners…? ¨

Receiving Theme – It Plays into Boundaries

Receiving is what you let in, what you let enter your space, and boundaries is what you don’t. Receiving is the other side of boundaries. It’s the same principle for both. To get what you need and what makes you happy, you might have to expand your capacity to receive. Definition again: to let enter. There are misconceptions, like receiving is passive thing to do. However, if someone pushes in your chair, you have to pay attention to sit down on it and not on the floor. Clearly, receiving then is an active thing. We also tend to think the giver is in control, but you are – the receiver controls what happens. The giver only controls what is offered.

Personal Space

You have to let people into your personal space to receive. We think of receiving as selfish, but poor reception is what’s selfish. When you are a great receiver you are actually paying attention to the giver, which is inherently generous. For example, you can’t multi-task and receive at the same time. A good receiver acknowledges the givers motivation for giving, not only the thing given. If you don’t know what the motivation is, ask. Acknowledge the future the gift, material or immaterial, paved for the partnership, or the difference it made for you.

Lastly, distinguish between needs and wants.

TOOL

Make two columns in a document and name one ‘¨needs¨ and the other, ¨wants¨. Wants you can compromise on, needs you can’t…

 I hope I could help you today.

Warmly,

Coach Jo