The Places You Travel…

Your feeling state determines your experience of your quality of life.

After all the buzz from Law of Attraction, The Secret, Abraham-Hicks and all the Vedic scriptures that came 5,000 years before them, I think we are in agreement on this one.

That warrants an investigation into the places you travel to – in your mind.

What we don’t always take into consideration are all the complex factors that lead to the particular feeling state you find yourself in.  You feel up with positive people, you feel down with downers, you feel happy when you are up to something that matters to you, and low when life seems mundane, boring and you know you are underachieving.

A lot of this often leads to you thinking something is wrong with you.

But there is nothing wrong with you.

What is happening is that the set up is not conducive to your goal.

Here is an example.

You are single.

You are dating.

You are not meeting anyone.

They all seem shallow.

And you withdraw.

Lonely again.

Thinking you are unlovable.

Till we find out that the only place you go to find your mate is at bars!Well.  Such situational set-ups leads me to believe that the experience you are left with is what you will find there!

You have a whole color palette to work with and you insist on painting with black and white (that aren’t even technically speaking colors.  Well, this question is one of the most debated issues about color. “Ask a scientist and you’ll get the physics reply: ‘Black is not a color, white is a color.’ Ask an artist or a child with crayons and you’ll get another: ‘Black is a color, white is not a color.’” )  Anyway.

Understanding this will lead you to the next appropriate action of which there is always one to take.

The solution to the example I illustrated – join a club where your passion lies; mountain biking, climbing, yoga, running, philanthropy- whatever calls to you.

If you want to be wealthy, surround yourself with people wealthier than you.  Research tells us that your income is the average of the 5 people closest to you.  There are different conversation being had in these new situational set ups that you otherwise wouldn’t have in your current setting where you are not achieving your result.

This is how you raise the probability of reaching your goal.

So we work from the inside and the outside.

Find your fertile soil.

Where your particular sprout will thrive and bloom.

What’s yours?  Do you know?

Let’s talk.

xoxo,

Jo

Patience is a verb.

This blog is about patience.

Of which I have little.

I remember being in second grade and my stepfather, patiently, trying to walk me through my math homework.  I threw a temper tantrum at the agonizing slowness of the process and demanded he just give me the answers.  Of course he didn’t but instead, patiently, explained that the point wasn’t to get through the exercises, but to incorporate the concepts into my own understanding.  Doing it that way, I would even get a lot out of it.

This lesson still comes to visit me.  Often.

And life is not as kind and patient as my stepfather was, but tends to give you the lessons just the way you need to learn them.

I share with you my transition between New York and Texas a lot, and it is because it indeed was huge and I am still learning from it every day.

I have had to be patient, building a new community, my professional practice, and still keep nurturing my New York friendships and those with family and friends in the rest of the world (both Ziad’s and my family still live in our respective mother countries Jordan and Sweden).  Our families have had to be patient with us roaming around in the world away from them, and still stay connected no matter what, continuously syncing back up year after year.

I have then realized that patience then is a verb.  It is a not a passive waiting-for-Godot, for a day we hope might come.  It is the hard, slow, long, arduous, exhilarating, aggravating journey over time till you get where you are going.  So maybe instead of hunting so hard for the answers to how we can get there faster, maybe we should wonder why we would want to.  Isn’t patience a virtue that we would all want to possess?  And doesn’t it take time to learn a virtue?

That is what I will leave you with today.

Comments are, as always, warmly welcome.

xoxo,

Jo

It’s OK to be needy…

I got a call recently from a woman who through many roundabout ways found me…
She said she needed me.  Desperately.
She spilled everything about why and after some tears too, we decided how to
get her started and where to unravel the big mess she feels her life is in.

Afterwards, I thought about people needing people.
I think the word need gets a bad rap.
Like being needy.
I personally love that people need each other.
If they didn’t, there would be no exchange in the world.
Or shared creativity.
And no intimacy.

I went to the dictionary and read some definitions of the word need.
Here are three I found that lightly blew my mind:

NEED”

1. A condition or situation in which something is required or wanted: crops in need of water; a need for affection.
2. Something required or wanted; a requisite: “Those of us who led the charge for these women’s issues … shared a common vision in the needs of women” (Olympia Snowe).
3. To be necessary.

How often don’t we deny our absolute need to be nurtured, supported, cheer lead, backed up, helped, sparred, partnered with, heard, held…?  Where do you deny your needs?  I want to know.

When thinking of something negative, think of the opposite

… 

I have been reading and thinking about that great spiritual practitioners are those who have made a pledge…to eradicate all their negative states of mind in order to help bring ultimate happiness to others…

And that what enables us to deal with a difficult situation is our capacity to shift perspective, to view our situation from a different vantage point.  The great yogic sage Patanjali said it the best in his Yoga Sutra 2:33…freely translated from Sanskrit, “when you think of something negative, think of the opposite”….

I just came up on my 1-year anniversary living in San Antonio, Texas, after relocating from my two decades in New York. 
I have had many opportunities to shift my perspective in this time from thinking about things as “not being New York” to what a wonderful, warm and friendly place I have come to.  Often I come home to fresh flowers on my porch or a care package with a note from a neighbor that says, “I made extra tonight for dinner – please enjoy”…
Being a seeker and teacher in personal development, I often ask myself, “what else?” and “what’s next?”.  I have to be mindful to appreciate what I have before moving on to those two questions.  

In honor of you, I will end how I started this piece of writing, with a pledge to go into my week, looking at my half full glass and drinking it with thorough appreciation :).


About Dreaming

Hi dear ones  –
In my last post, I was sharing with you my first foray into live streaming with a new show called Streamin’ & Dreamin’.  That made me think of dreaming.  Again. Having dreams.  And how much I allow myself to dream or not.  I noticed that I have a cap for my dreaming if I have had failures.  The year of 2010 goes down in history as the hardest one in my life.  I dealt with being a new mother, and a late one as such at 38, so I was plenty set in my ways and now had to adjust them in the biggest way I had to date – in my life.  
    
     And then I stepped down from my exec position in my coaching company due to the new demands of motherhood among other things that I started to wrestle with, like who did I want to be and what did I want to do from that point forward.  I was up for a TV show and super stressed about that, flying hither and thither for meetings.  And then we moved and I left a community of almost two decades, near half my life, behind in New York.  No wonder I then got PPD (in my case, the doc said, “she has post partum exhaustion depression, she needs at least 6 weeks of nothing around her right now).  That is 3/4 of a year ago now and I am starting to get some perspective on this experience.  It has been difficult claiming my near 20 years of experience as a coach when all my own humanity was hitting me in the face likt this, with such force.  I now know though that the only way to claim it is to tell it – what it was all like to be a teacher and be as human as this.
     Back to dreaming.  So during all this mental mayhem and after, I didn’t feel I quite had the right to dream big for my future, humbled by the hits of life.  Now.  Today.  I reclaim my right to do so.  And the pride in knowing that I have deeper knowledge and experience to share and teach about for people who have been to hell and back in what they are dealing with in their lives, whatever it may be.  So – I say, you are allowed to dream.  Always.  And dreaming doesn’t mean you re required to fulfill each one you dream about.  On the contrary, dreaming is a practice in and of itself.  A creative endeavor that spurs you forward towards where you will act next.  I conclude with a few quotes from people much wiser and experienced (especially with hardships  – so what am I crying about…?)  than myself…
“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” ~Henry David Thoreau
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” ~Goethe
Love.  Always.
Jo

Last post was about getting yourself heard….

This post is about getting yourself seen…

I am working on a live streaming show right now with my friend CK Dozi with the working title “Jo and CK Dozi’s show Streamin’ & Dreamin”…

To even make five minutes worth of viewable material is a tremendous amount of work…

Good news is I picked a great, fun, humorous buddy to do it with…

And a most talented writer to help us with our banter…

Now…I want to share with you my deep, dark secret that has me pursue this venture…

I have a spook about TV…

I was up for a TV show last year that I walked away from…

It didn’t feel right, the timing wasn’t right, etc., etc. but mostly I was just scared of it…

I have thought about this a lot and when digging a little deeper, I went to interview my mother about it who was a newscaster all her life.

HER biggest spook was TV too!

She loved doing radio and writing for the newspapers, but TV was a necessary evil next career step that she could’ve done without.

The bitch was how perfect she was for it.

She had the looks, the perk, the professional experience.

So do I.

For those of you who know me personally, and/or have been coached by me (those two tend to blend), now or when I was with The Handel Group, know about the power of lineage.  That the unresolved stuff follows you down the line.  Until someone picks up the torch to burn that sucker down that has been plaguing previous generations.

I got my torch for TV.

I got my lighter fluid.

And my lighter.

I made a practice lit.

The torch ain’t aflame yet.

But it will be.

Watch me.

I will not take this spook with me to the grave.

Where do you have things that spook you?

Is it the classic spook of public speaking?  Which is highly related to mine, although I am much more comfortable with that than I am with TV.

Where do you stop yourself from being seen?  Visible?  Thinking that you have to have it all down pat before you launch?  The launch that becomes the one-day-some day-launch.

I would love to hear from you and I also have a dare.

That you show me, post in the comment section some part of your half baked project; your writing, your movie script, your idea…. just enough not to give it all away, but enough to risk a little visibility, being a little vulnerable.  For those of you who are my clients, it might just be daring to go on Skype for one of your coaching sessions – to meet face-to-face rather than phone – to bring that next level of three-dimensional intimacy to it…

The science community just started this awesome social media network/site where frustrated scientists that are stuck alone in their labs with a problem they can’t solve, can reach out to their global community for help when they are stumped alongside their advisors.  It is called Research Gate.  Instead of proudly pushing through on their own, they said, “I will make my stuck-ness public, and maybe I can get some help, and maybe then science will advance much faster than it is today.  I am willing to look a little foolish as I am progressing and learning within my subject.”

So my words to you today are, make yourself seen.  Somehow.  In your own creative, special way that you pick.  And let me hear about it.

Love always,

Jo

About moving forward…

My inspiration to you today has to do with staying moving forward…

What I mean by that is most people you ask will say that they like change, that change is good.  That is a lie.  People hate change.  Myself included.

Things staying the same feel much safer, cozier, familiar, familial, traditional, homey.  I could go on.

Recently when I have encountered changes, many of them, which I have shared with you, I have conjured this visual in my mind of having someone or something behind my back, like a door shut, or a hand, that only allows me to move forward.  That doesn’t allow me to look back, turn back, or even care about what I just left behind.

And then I feel better.

Because regret, concern, worry is usually related to something that just happened that I didn’t like.  Even if it was an instant ago, it’s already in the past.  That is when I think and say to myself, “Just move forward.”

For some reasons, that loosens the reigns of my mind that tells me to analyze the incident that just went down and fix it and mull it over.

I just move forward.

And even inside this visual of forward motion things that do need to be fixed, get fixed. But it is different.  Pushing the boulder uphill is still a lot easier that trying to pick it up from behind.

And the earth turns anyway and of course everything turns out in the end, sans my furrowed brow and worries.

If this makes no sense to you – disregard immediately.

But if it does, do respond and let me know what you think about this moving forward business.

Everyone will have 15 minutes of fame, said Warhol… plug in for yours

The world that Andy Warhol predicted in ’68 when he said that eventually, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes, is here…

You can tweet it, post it, blog it, stream it and there are enough people reading and watching for your 15 minutes to be had by you….

It begs the question, what do you want to do with your 15 minutes?

Of course there are super famous people in the world like Oprah, but I love that people like CNN hero Yohannes Gebregeorgi from Ethiopia got his because he brought the world of books to his country’s children.

http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/living/2008/04/30/cnn.heroes.gebregeorgis.cnn.html

You would have never heard of him if it weren’t for this new world of instant connectedness we live in (much less know how to pronounce his name!)

Therefore it is of utmost importance, I mean critical, that you also feel connected – to other people, yourself, and what you care about.  My reasoning is this, if you are feeling disjointed, disconnected, or like there is something missing between you and another or you and yourself, take the time and find out what is in the way.

Or else you won’t claim your 15 minutes.

Your time when the world’s all ears for what you have to say.

And you do have something to say.

Based on your very unique experience of being here, in this skin bag, trying to figure it all out.

You have so much to teach.

You have so much to share.

As much as you let me guide you through coaching, I learn something every time I speak to you.

Make sure you speak.

And if you fall on your face or fall apart or flub your 15, we’ll pick up the pieces together.  I think that Warhol’s 15 minutes have become exponential and you can have as many go’s at it as you want.

So speak.

Love always,

Jo